Sometime in the early hours of September 30th, an elevated soul was liberated from his body. Having spent many days preparing for his departure, I sat with him the evening before, whispering his beloved Hamlet and Rolling Stones in his ear, and letting him know he was ever with me.
Carl had the ability to make each and every friend feel as if they were witty, cool, kind and special... a mirror reflection of what he was. His sparkling intellect never intimidated, it welcomed. He was always enthusiastic, the best listener, the most considerate conversationalist... he would have shone in any arena he chose. An artist, a poet, a musician. He infused every relationship with warmth and respect.
His friendship was addictive. He lived with gratitude every single day... in the 5 years that followed his terminal diagnosis, he was unwaveringly cheerful to his friends, hopeful, brave and uncomplaining. He rarely mentioned his illness. It was easy to forget because the reality was unthinkable. How could this bright light, the friend one had waited for their entire lives, be gone? I certainly was not the only one that felt this way. All of his inner circle did. It was like we had found this secret alchemist that at once gave one life, laughter and love. The terrible truth that he was slipping away was unbearable.
But his body deteriorated and he did get worse. He was uncomfortable. Then rather than wish for him to stay, it became time to wish for his release. To let go. I was able to tell him all that was in my heart. My gratitude for his friendship, for his light and for his example of unwavering kindness and respect to all around him. Even the doctors and the nurses, long used to saying goodbye, struggled. Many tears were shed. And yet, it seemed that this last chapter, in a care facility in the city, he worked again his alchemy. I returned there to thank the staff for their vigilant and gentle care. Each and every nurse, doctor and assistant demurred and said it was THEY who were grateful. Grateful to have had the honor of sharing the life, and death, of one of the most remarkable human beings.
I can only hope to practice the gratitude that Carl practiced daily. To live with intention and kindness. To be present for our friends and families. And I wish that for all of you.