Spring

Brenda Lane Life Coaching

Mid-March! We are teetering upon the cusp of Spring. If you have been understandably distracted by world events, and have been, like many of us, sent into a state of near apathy, I am here to give the rallying cry. All is not lost. You are not lost. In the darkest times, humanity has always found a way out, a way to renew and rejoice. 

And know that your voice and your action, will move the needle. History is filled with examples of seemingly endless reigns of terror and injustice... Followed by revolution, sometimes peaceful, sometimes bloody... And change. 

Perhaps the greatest slogan of all time is, "Just Do It".  You are not helpless, and you are not a victim.

Taking action does not have to be huge and massively premeditated. If the environment is your biggest concern, go out and spend a half hour picking up litter. It is incredibly satisfying. Animals? Volunteer, or donate to a rescue. They all need your help. Kids? Most schools need supplies, volunteers, money. Every bit helps. Your energy and intention is also a thing. It is felt, seen and noticed. And it inspires. 

The other superpower that is available to us all is art. Appreciating it and creating it. There is a good reason that the Taliban has long banned music. It is a nuclear force for expression, and for community. If you possess the magical gift of music, use it. And those of us whose lives have been infinitely altered by the presence of music will support you... Dance, theatre, poetry...art, in one form or another, always survives to tell the truth.

The world needs you, needs your gifts. That smile on the subway to that lonely kid or older person? A gift. Keep giving, refuse to let the hate infect you, and sedate you.

By taking some sort of action, I guarantee your apathy and ennui will lift at least a little. You will move the proverbial needle.

Get out there. Change the world.  You've got this.

One love, people. xo

Compassion for ourselves and for others

Oh life. Sometimes it is so rapturously beautiful, and at other times, it seems we are blindsided by catastrophic circumstances that minutes before seemed unthinkable.

How is it possible to maintain our sense of self, of well being, when our world is shattered? As individual as we all are, there is no right answer. Some may need to share, to discuss, maybe even go over and over the same scenario, as if by replaying it would make sense. Some of us need to retreat, to have silence, to have our own space and company and thoughts. When emotions are raw and tender, the greatest service we can do is practice relentless compassion, for ourselves, and for others. What does that mean? According to the Oxford English Dictionary compassion is defined as, "The feeling of emotion when a person is moved by the suffering or distress of another, and by the desire to relieve it."

Most of the time, we cannot simply remove the pain. But we can find ways to see through the hurt, if even for a moment. To affirm that there is a glimmer of light and of hope. And that time will march forward, and that we can as well. Sometimes the march will be a limp. Sometimes the march will be a crawl. And sometimes the marcher will be someone carrying us or us carrying someone.

Offer help. Ask for help. AND...if offering, do not get hung up on the answer. If you offered to do what you felt would be a super helpful favor and the recipient shot it down and seemed ungrateful, let it go. Compassion has zero relationship with our ego. Compassion has a thick skin and just keeps going. A friend suffered a grievous loss and was so wounded that her response to everyone that wanted to help was, "Leave me the fuck alone." That's a direct quote. Those that loved her gave her alone time, but made sure she knew she was supported via texts, e mails, cards and care packages left on the doorstep.

If your own suffering threatens to overwhelm you, please, please reach out. To friends, to family, to professionals.

When in doubt, go with kindness, and transparency. Most of us are simultaneously experiencing a mixed bag of fantastic life events and crappy stuff that has to be dealt with. The scale and the spectrum is vast. The bad does not cancel out the good, and vice versa. It is just life.

" I don't know what to say, except, I love you."

" I am here for you."

If you need help:

" I am struggling. I need help."

When hurt is answered with compassion and love, the road to healing has begun.

You are strong enough. Look at how far you have already come. One love, people.

Here are some resources:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

January, a time for grace

January has established herself with an intense presence. In Los Angeles, the devastating wildfires have caused apocalyptic damage.

And as ever, heroic acts of selflessness and courage have emerged. First responders working 'round the clock in unfathomable conditions, neighbors assisting neighbors, distressed animals, wild and domestic, being cared for with such tenderness. The outpouring of help from countries the world over, many of whom have been shamefully maligned by some politicians, is humbling. This is grace. Amidst the chaos, goodness, kindness and compassion for our fellow beings emerges.

It is this spirit, that I believe most of us possess, that rises up when faced with the most difficult circumstances. We shrug off our differences and embrace our common humanity.

Not everyone is on this journey with us. Some very vocally, are looking to place blame for the loss, others are seeking to leverage this catastrophy as a political 'win', based on conspiracies, cruelty, namecalling and nonsense.

Responding with anger, or even responding, depletes our reserves for the very real work that we can do to help.

Feeling helpless and overwhelmed?

Do something. Make a decision, based on your circumstances and your skill set.

Take action, whether it is a monetary donation, or fostering a displaced pet, or whatever, do what you can. All of us are so good at a zillion things that we rarely utilize...tap into your talent pool and your friend group.

And the haters, the vampires trying to suck up your high vibration with their negativity? Let them go.

The preponderance of helpers, of bravery and unfettered generosity is what has kept humanity going. Ride this vibe.

One love, people.

I get by with a little help from....

I get by with a little help from...

You know those people: When they show up, they bring the sunshine. Those that have a realistic positivity and make you laugh your head off. They can be elders, whose energy and ageless vibe defies any decade or genre.

Or those that are young in years but so wise in spirit and knowledge. That seem to get it in a way that a lot of us never do, regardless of our chronological age. Old souls.

Or our peers. Laughing about shared historical events, songs, films, placing us together in time.

Those that you may not have seen in years, decades even...and yet, in a moment, you are back, no time has passed.

Those that are happy to see you. You know because you feel it in their vibe and see it in their eyes.

The glorious universe of friends!!!

They listen, they respond, they SEE you. They hear you in a way that lets you know that your words and thoughts are valid. You adore them and can't wait to hear what they have to say. They illuminate your world with their interesting perspective.

Seek them out. Seek out the people that leave you refreshed. Those that feed you, that cultivate a reciprocal friendship that is an exchange of energy, and is not a one sided soul suck.

Reciprocity is something that is integral in all of our relationships, and essential if we are to cultivate healthy friendships.

And be mindful of mega unloading. Sometimes when we find that ever longed for great listener and friend, and they provide that safe place to share, it can feel like such a relief to be understood and to have someone that cares, it can turn into a monologue.

Pace yourself. Check in with your person. No matter how gnarly your current situation is, they get a turn.

Like everything worth having, friendships take work and care.

I am blessed to have friendships that go back to early childhood, that are STILL prospering and hilariously fun. We know each other so well and over so many seasons and hairstyles (!) that we can almost speak in shorthand and get it. Classmates, former bosses, former boyfriends, co volunteers, my kid, my sisters in law, ex boyfriend's moms, my husband, flatmates. Work people. Whatever. Newbies that feel like oldies because it is so natural and feels so comfortable. My circle is broad and is a constant source of knowledge, wisdom and hilarity. Super grateful.

The ones that find your quirks endearing, not annoying.

If you feel drained and dread when that text comes in or that number comes up on caller ID, take stock. Think of how you define friendship and see if it still fulfills that definition. When you hang up, or when the text thread ends, if you consistently feel judged, shamed or used, take a good long look at the relationship.

Friendship is 100% choice and not a life sentence.

We all deserve to be loved for the magical, once in forever unicorns that we are. Find your herd.

One love xo

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The Dance

Brenda Lane

18h  ·

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The Dance

brendalanecoaching.com

Approaching the new season with compassion, resilience and peace at the top of the personal to-do list. If this means going on a social media fast, and avoiding news outlets and celebrity gossip, go for it. Not forever, but think of it as a mental cleanse.

Turn the phone back into a phone for a bit. With all of the recent talk about AI, and its varying degrees of scariness, and how it will take over our lives and disrupt our relationships with other humans...isn't that sort of already happening with our over engagement with the anonymous masses via social media and various news sites? We are potentially already interacting with bots regularly, and consuming information that has been curated for us via AI. It's here, and has been for many years.

And it's a lot. Maybe too much.

And guess what? Right now, this very moment, outside there is so much going on. Bulbs are pushing their shoots boldly through the soil, beautiful pink buds are visible on our fruit trees. The birds are back! The vivid green of fresh grass is punctuating the deep moss in my lawn. It's alternately raining, hailing and sunshining brilliantly outside.

Is it as simple as going outside and taking a walk to actually feel better? YES! I think it is. Notice everything that you used to notice when you were a kid. Ants scurrying from a random tiny hole in the pavement. The wonder of teeny dandelions so successfully planting themselves in the gutter. Now look up. Look at the clouds. With your 10 year old eyes. See the shapes. Notice which way the wind is blowing. Listen. Identify at least two birdsongs.

You are an integral part of all that you see, feel and experience, your presence makes you a part of this ballet. Your role is a choice, and your stage is this entire beautiful world. xo

One Love.xo

Just Do IT!!!!

Happy Monday! How is everyone doing? Realized that my tank was running precariously low, and decided to take a few mental health days devoted to working really hard on the stuff I had been kind of avoiding. I wrote a few weeks back about procrastination. Avoiding things is a cousin but has some of its own unique dysfunctional qualities. They both take a big toll on our energy. And it feels so good to acknowledge that which is scaring us... because, really, it is fear that is making us look away...hide.

So: hiding from things that we MUST do...taxes, hard conversations, bills, the amount of a particular substance we may or may not be overdoing... basically, not dealing with things, and pretending that they don't exist. At all. Procrastination, the cousin, is the more acceptable, perhaps, as an internal dialogue: I see you and I will get to you EVENTUALLY, however, I first must do....XYZ and and a partridge in a pear tree.

Facing things feels good. It can feel scary, but I guarantee it feels a lot better than the shame that comes with hiding or the guilt that accompanies procrastinating.

I LOVE Mondays for addressing anything that I have been avoiding. It is a great start to the week.

How to start?

Nike did not make a zillion dollars and launch an entire culture just with sneakers. The tagline, "Just do it" is probably the most empowering secular call to action that anyone has ever heard. In terms of getting on with your proverbial back catalogue of unfiled and unresolved shit, I can think of no better mantra. And no more succinct instruction manual. By this time in life, we know what to do.

Make the call...

Acknowledge the issue.

Formulate a plan.

Accept responsibility

Stop blaming and ALL excuses

Realize the cavalry is not coming

Reflect on what has worked in the past to get to goal

Reflect on what has not worked

Be relentlessly honest with yourself. And with others.

Practice radical love and forgiveness to yourself.

Just do it.

One Love xo

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Your voice

Happy December, everyone! Guest coach at Coach's Corner coming up! In the meantime, after the uptick in anti Semitism, and the very public forum that it is being given, seems a prescient time to recall the words of South African anti apartheid activist and 1984 Nobel Peace Prize winner, Bishop Desmond Tutu:" If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."To be clear, silence is complicity. Silence is not 'doing no harm.' How many times, in situations of abuse, have we heard that the victim was told to, 'Shut the f#$% up." Unsee what they had seen, detach from what they had experienced, keep quiet about the abuse, about the injustice... and then maybe they could save themselves. But it does not work like that. Once one surrenders one's integrity, once one turns away, the cancer of the abuser spreads to them, and allows the malignancy to grow unfettered. Speak up, act up, call out. The only way to excise the cancer of bigotry is by shining light on it and refusing to be deterred. Call out the double speak, as in Putin's shameful appropriation of the term 'Nazification' to detract from his unprovoked assault on Ukraine. Speak up for fairness and for transparency. Battle fear with kindness, compassion and inclusion. Do not relax with the word, "tolerant". To tolerate something is to inhabit the purgatory of apathy. Some things are black and white.As Lin-Manuel Miranda so beautifully said, "Love is love is love is love is love..." so it is with truth.If this incarnation is it, make it count. If your faith decrees our endeavors here dictate our next, accrue some good karma. It is not only history that holds heroism. We, every day have a chance to be heroic and to live a life of truth, and purpose. You write your history with how you live your life. Be a legend.

One Love xo

The Love You Make

Whether directed at others or yourself, get more love. Create it, spread it around, TELL people, tell yourself. End phone calls with it. "I love you." Say it and mean it. The supply is endless. And hearing it? What better way to feel seen and felt. Most of us drop a variety of curse words with astonishing consistency... and I am not disputing the satisfaction that a long drawn out F bomb can give...but just as rejuvenating and maybe more life affirming and propelling in the right direction, LOVE. Haul it out of the reserved for special occasions file and use it profusely.

And what about those that don't deserve your love, that have wronged you, that are basically assholes? Love them too. Sprinkle the fairy dust in their direction, because guess what? The supply is infinite and it might move the needle a bit on their grinchiness. Might not. Doesn't matter. Just carry on. Next! How they receive the gift is none of our business. Onward!

Recipient that will reap the most benefit? You.

In the words of Lenny Kravitz, "Let Love Rule".

Lenny Kravitz "Let love rule" Live - Wembley 1993 - YouTube

Goals!

Brenda Lane Coaching

7m ·

Looking outside at the budding plants, the new growth in the grass, daylight extending longer and longer... the countdown to spring has begun! What a perfect time to reflect on where we are at, emotionally, and physically, and align our goals. Sometimes when 'goals' are mentioned people instantly feel pressure and the fear of failure, sabotages whatever endeavor we desire to achieve before we even begin. The goals I want to focus on today are not of the freak out/ high pressure variety. They are of the 'I love life, and life loves me' variety. They are about having fun, not taking things personally, not inserting ourselves and our opinions where they are not needed, hanging out with people that leave you feeling smart, beautiful, and heard, and tapping into feeling so good in your own skin that other people glom onto that vibe and feel good about THEIR own skin and who THEY are -effortlessly- that whole thing resonates and perpetuates.

Goals:

Laughing more. Do it. Be loud, if you must. Let forth.

Smiling. People go on about missing smiles because of masks, but you know what? Smiles come from people's eyes. I mean, it is a collaborative effort between the eyes, mouth and soul, but I think the eyes are the true litmus test facially. Smiling is an underused superpower.

Running, skipping, silly walks, whatever. Move outside in a different way. Things will look and feel fresh. You will probably laugh your #$% off as well. Or others will. Even better. Music! Do not ignore music as a mental game changer. Pay zero attention to what others may or may not think is cool. Listen to what you love and listen to it as often and as loudly as you can get away with. It is mini vacation for your spirit.

Love on your people. Tell them how much you love them; how much they mean. Do not do this transactionally: do not focus on what THEY say/or do not say back. These statements are stand alones. Express your love as the unconditional gift it is.

I promise that any or all of these 'goals' will make your day better. If they can be incorporated with any kind of regularity, you may see a kind of amazing shift.

What have you got to lose?

One love, people xo

Carrying On

Good Morning, everyone. Today, I would like to talk about how we navigate through the darkest times. It seems that each day we are confronted with things, often through social media but also through our own lives, that are so painful, unexplainable and unsolvable, we feel the air sucked out of our lungs and the very act of carrying on seems too much. How do we dig deep, access our inner strength, pull ourselves up, and push through? Gently. With great self care and compassion. Allow the sorrow, feel the feelings, acknowledge what is, what has been. For some this is with tears. Others, stillness and silence. Most importantly, reach out. This can be reaching out to nature. Spending time in the woods, at the ocean, even in the midst of the city, nature is alive all around you. A seagull, a bird, a lone tree. It can also be reaching out to another person we trust. Before unloading our burden, enquire whether they have a moment. Tell them you need some time. In that way, if this is not a great time for them, you can request another more convenient time. Opening your heart to the bigger picture is also helpful. There are so many things that are RIGHT. If you are healthy, acknowledging the miracle of our bodies. There is so much GOOD, but at times it feels like the darkness overwhelms our ability to notice. Ask yourself to be awake to the miracles around. Not to hide from our grief and sorrow, but to realize that it is a piece of us, of our experience, and not the whole experience.
This process is unique to each of us. There is no right way. It has no set timeline. Some grief is forever, a chronic hurt that becomes manageable. Others, pass with nary a backward glance. All feelings are valid.
For anyone that is hurting, I want to let you know I am here. As a friend, as a coach, as someone who cares. It does not matter how we know each other or even if we DO know each other. If you reach out to me, I will reach back.

With love xo

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Boost Post

Disappointment

Oh disappointment! How do you have the capacity to deflate us so suddenly and so thoroughly? Whether it be a friend breaking a plan, a no show client, or even the times we spend in reflection of all that never was....disappointment can take a toll, and lead us down the rabbit hole of despair... and rapidly seem to unravel the work we have been doing to be strong, be in the moment, be positive, be joyful....how, oh, how to reboot our feelings?

First of all, being aware that this feeling of despair and disappointment is temporary, is paramount. My favorite mantra for these times is, "This too shall pass."

Realize and acknowledge that this is not forever. It may manifest in some of us as a deep anxiety, heart racing, perspiration and hot or cold. In others, we may just feel a sense of dread,  super heavy,  tired heart, depression. Or a bit of both.

Feel it for a moment. Close your eyes and inhale slowly through your nose. Purse your lips in a kiss pose and breathe out. Shoulders down. A few more breaths, in and out.

Say it, aloud is extra good, but silently to yourself  works too. "This too shall pass." Choose your own phrase that resonates... sometimes I use gratitude, to the universe for delivering me to this moment. ( I have occasionally pushed the envelope of life, and am genuinely grateful to be here)

If the tears want to come, let them. Be conscious of the process. Do not allow it to propel the spiral. Let it be a cathartic thunderstorm, that passes and clears.

Exercise, music, art, service to others, walking in nature... all of these are fantastic to redirect our thoughts. Sometimes during the course of these diversions, we will have an epiphany about what is REALLY going on. "OH, that happened because this triggered that...."

Working on creating a community or network of trusted comrades is also super helpful. Some of my most trusted comrades have 4 legs and hooves. Some are in typical human form, but for me, are my angels. Seek those beings that appreciate you, love you and make you feel loved and trusted and worthy. When I needed to expand this part of my network, I began to volunteer in animal rescue. For me, it was a game changer. There was furry love and acceptance all around!

Ultimately, your best comforter and cheerleader really is YOU. All of your years are a culmination of "what works"!

You've got this!!!

You've got this!!!

Liberation!

"I forgive you." Can there be anything more liberating than letting go of that which is tormenting us?  Bidding farewell to that which has had some sort of stranglehold on our psyche and is occasionally popping into our consciousness to trigger doubt or fear or anger?

I love working with clients on strategies to move forward. You know what works because most of the time, we dwell in the present quite successfully. It is when we slip back or project too far forward that things can go sideways.

If you drive, think about how that works: We must be present or endanger ourselves and everyone else on the road. Or doing most any athletic activity... being present is critical to be successful at competing or participating. The ball is coming at you NOW....So you know how to do this. Your agile brain can shift effortlessly to that which it must address right this moment... and by implementing some of those innate abilities that we all have, we can free ourselves from the 2 o'clock in the morning running script of whatever it is that is plaguing us!

One of my favorite strategies is acknowledgment and forgiveness. Literally, saying aloud, "I acknowledge and forgive you. I wish you peace. Goodbye." This can be to a person, a situation, a mood. Admittedly this has probably looked a bit ridiculous as am often invoking this very technique whilst out running... and I like to add the flourish of holding my hands outward and opening and closing my palms as I wish the offending racing thoughts adieu! It does look funny, but it WORKS! And looking funny is something that I made peace with long ago. Had no choice... I am a dork!!

And this is not magic. It's work. It may not take the first time. It might. You may invoke friends to support you. You may work with a coach or another professional support person. But it is in you to live presently, with joy, purpose and love. And you will get there.

Happy Friday, everyone. xo

January, I love you!

January!!! We are three weeks in and 2018 is starting to feel like home! The days are growing longer, just barely. I love this time of year, it feels so full of promise and hope! And then.... a bleak patch. Perhaps it is the way the weather can go grey for a few days and feel as if we are taking a step back...wasn't spring supposed to be right around the corner?! But... these grey patches do not need to be anything other than an opportunity to reflect, catch our breath, pause. There is beauty here too. Above all, do not take it personally... which sounds funny, but seriously. How often have we heard or said ourselves, "This weather is making me so crazy, depressed, lethargic, etc..." thereby personalizing it. The weather is of course, neutral. It just is.  How we feel about it is up to us. As huge swaths of the world suffer from drought, some of us are lucky enough to be in the deluge of rain. Water! Eau de vie! So grey and rainy? I will take it!!! With gratitude!

Wishing everyone a lovely week, full of kindness, compassion and fun!

Grateful

Sometime in the early hours of September 30th, an elevated soul was liberated from his body. Having spent many days preparing for his departure, I sat with him the evening before, whispering his beloved Hamlet and Rolling Stones in his ear, and letting him know he was ever with me.

Carl had the ability to make each and every friend feel as if they were witty, cool, kind and special... a mirror reflection of what he was. His sparkling intellect never intimidated, it welcomed. He was always enthusiastic, the best listener, the most considerate conversationalist... he would have shone in any arena he chose. An artist, a poet, a musician. He infused every relationship with warmth and respect.

His friendship was addictive. He lived with gratitude every single day... in the 5 years that followed his terminal diagnosis, he was unwaveringly cheerful to his friends, hopeful, brave and uncomplaining. He rarely mentioned his illness. It was easy to forget because the reality was unthinkable. How could this bright light, the friend one had waited for their entire lives, be gone? I certainly was not the only one that felt this way. All of his inner circle did. It was like we had found this secret alchemist that at once gave one life, laughter and love. The terrible truth that he was slipping away was unbearable.

But his body deteriorated and he did get worse. He was uncomfortable. Then rather than wish for him to stay, it became time to wish for his release. To let go. I was able to tell him all that was in my heart. My gratitude for his friendship, for his light and for his example of unwavering kindness and respect to all around him. Even the doctors and the nurses, long used to saying goodbye, struggled. Many tears were shed. And yet, it seemed that this last chapter, in a care facility in the city, he worked again his alchemy. I returned there to thank the staff for their vigilant and gentle care. Each and every nurse, doctor and assistant demurred and said it was THEY who were grateful. Grateful to have had the honor of sharing the life, and death, of one of the most remarkable human beings. 

I can only hope to practice the gratitude that Carl practiced daily. To live with intention and kindness. To be present for our friends and families. And I wish that for all of you.

Being Present

Sometimes the easiest thing to do is to keep moving, without a backward glance, without a pause.  By racing forward without reflection, we miss the moment. 

Take the time to be present. To appreciate and to celebrate. Just stop. Close your eyes and listen for a moment. The subtle sounds that are drowned out by the noise of our busy lives, like our breath, the birds, the breeze through the grass. The beating of your heart.  These sounds are always present and yet how often do we take the time to notice?

You are alive. You have this time. Honor it with giving your full attention to the present. Look no further. You are here now. Enjoy.

More Light!

Hoooray! We made it to Daylight Savings Time! This is always a milestone after the long, dark winter. As nature begins to awaken,  we see the light green shimmer on the trees as they begin to bud, and flowers push their shoots through the soil, it starts to feel like something wonderful is on the horizon... the potential for newness, and change, for  rebirth!

It is a perfect time to START. Whatever it is that has been quietly asking for your attention... your health and fitness goals, your relationship, your quest to find your passion... this time of year seems like it was made to help propel you on your journey. The time is now.

I have some really fun and helpful exercises lined up for our spring sessions to expedite the process of change. Message for details! Spring specials, and event news as well. Happy Daylight Savings Time, everyone!

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it;
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.- J.W von Goethe

Spring Forward!

Oh, winter! Not that there is not a lot to love, with warm fires, the holidays, family, snow... however! Once March roles around, I feel pretty much ready for flowers, sunshine and a new season.

Spring and all that we see in nature serves to remind us of the ever changing world of which we are a part. No matter how 'stuck' you feel, change WILL come. And with it the opportunity to propel ourselves into the direction that allows us to flourish, find new purpose and set new goals.

Here is to renewing, reaffirming and celebrating. Happy Almost Spring!

Acknowledging Our Fears

Acknowledging our fears is the single best way to conquer them. By shining a flashlight on what we have let fester and grow beneath the surface, we then see it illuminated. We can name it. The more we ‘out’ our fear, the less power it has. “I am afraid to let you love me because I don’t want to be hurt.” “I am afraid to say what I think because I don’t want you to be mad at me.” I am afraid to let you really see who I am, because, what if you don’t like me?” Exposing our vulnerability is an act of STRENGTH. It is an act of BRAVERY. It takes courage. And as with every courageous act, we gain confidence. Soon, acting courageously becomes the norm.

One at a time, we face our fears. We acknowledge them, we name them, we illuminate them…and they are no longer our fears. They are our strength.

All of this is within you.

Xo Brenda