Brenda Lane Coaching

Coach's Corner #3

I am thrilled to introduce my guest coach, radiation oncologist and educator Dr. Mary Ann Rose. Her professional and academic credentials are as impressive as they get: English Literature degree from Yale, Summa Cum Laude, MD with Honors from Baylor, followed by Clinical Fellowships at Baylor and Harvard, as well as being Professor of Radiation Oncology at the University of California San Diego. She was also the Medical Director, North County, Radiation Oncology University of San Diego. There's more but you get the picture: accomplished.

I met Mary Ann as an art collector, animal lover, and mom to her three exceptional kids. As our acquaintance deepened into friendship, I also discovered she was this insanely accomplished doctor and professor, who had an interest and curiosity in just about everything under the sun. She is a phenomenal writer and as a fan, I keep hoping she will revive her Crab Diaries blog (crabdiaries.com) about her cancer practice and patients. She was (IS) super, super smart, but her intelligence never seems exclusive or intimidating. She asks questions. She somehow makes you feel on par with her in terms of knowledge. I always leave a conversation with her feeling a little smarter and interesting than I know I actually am. I don't know how someone could have managed their life to be so well rounded and inclusive but she has. Devoting her professional life to treating cancer patients sounds like it could be incredibly sad. Somehow, she has remained compassionate and optimistic. She is hilarious, witty and also not afraid to speak up.

I have also never heard her boast or brag. The French saying, "Bien dans sa peau", "good in one's skin", seems to personify her. Also: She came within a hair's breadth of making the Olympic team in swimming. She has a pack of giant dogs (plus one teeny rescue dog) that have full access to her stunning home, and grounds in the high desert...yet nothing ever seems chaotic or crazy.

She is basically a unicorn.

Honored to be her friend and delighted to share her wisdom here.

BL; Did you have a goal for your life when you were a young person?

MR: When I was very young, I don't think I had anything specific in mind. I loved to paint and draw but didn't think I was talented enough to make a career out of it. By the time I was in high school I was volunteering at Texas Institute for Research and Rehabilitation working with spinal cord injury patients and began to think about a career in medicine but the sciences were definitely not my strong suit! One thing I did know was that I wanted to have lots of pets, especially dogs and horses! I also loved photography and was never without a camera--I still have my own albums going back to when I was in elementary school. I guess you could say I was a little bit all over the place--but now that I'm thinking about it, the interests I had as a child and teenager are still my interests now!

BL: Did you have a mentor?

I was fortunate to have many mentors throughout my life. I was a competitive swimmer from the ages of 7 to 17, and my coaches were always motivating and inspiring. They taught me a lot about not quitting just because the workouts were difficult, or because I lost a race. They taught me sportsmanship and how to be gracious when winning OR losing. One of my coaches in Houston where I grew up, Richard Quick, went on to become the Stanford University Women's Coach and then the US Women's Olympic coach so you can imagine how motivating he was. Two other mentors stand out in my life---one was Mrs. Shirley Wiley, my senior high school English teacher. She taught me not only to love literature but to read and think about it critically. She truly taught me how to express myself in writing, an invaluable skill for everyone to learn. She inspired me to become an English major in college as well, and to this day people ask me why I majored in English if I was going to go to medical school. I have no regrets about that--I learned so much more about the human condition from reading the great works of fiction and poetry than I learned in any biology lab! Finally, probably my greatest mentor was my father who was a surgeon and who passed away at age 95 two years ago. Through his example I learned the importance of being of service to others, which has basically been my guiding principle through life.

BL: Is the life you're living the life you imagined?

MR: No one EVER lives the life they imagined! My youthful fantasies (and yes, they were fantasies!) involved owning a huge ranch out West somewhere with many horses, and other livestock, or perhaps being a famous photographer or film-maker while writing best selling novels and heart felt poetry on the side. Oh, and being madly in love with the man of my dreams until death do us part while being the best mother in the world. None of these aspirations came true. But at age 68, I can look myself in the mirror and say that I made a difference to a lot of people--family and patients. I have had my horses and my dogs, and my iPhone takes great pictures and makes photography easy. I've managed to stay married, and hey, the kids are alright!

BL: How do you get inspired?

MR: I go outdoors and experience the beauty of nature. Plain and simple--when I'm feeling down or dull or depressed, I take a walk. And as mundane as it sounds, a good re-organizing and house cleaning always helps clear my head, especially getting rid of things I don't need or want anymore. And I make lists. Checking items off a list is very satisfying!

BL: What do you do when you encounter obstacles? (In work, in life) How do you create resiliency when life is hard?

MR: Being a radiation oncologist certainly helped me to get over feeling sorry for myself. The strength and resiliency I witnessed every day in my patients was a constant reminder that my life was privileged and not so hard. I think the greatest difficulty in my life was when my youngest child was diagnosed with Crohn's disease, a life-threatening illness. As a parent, there is nothing worse than confronting an illness (or worse, death) in a child. My way of coping is to do the homework research and make a plan of action. Also, by nature I am an optimist. My mantra has always been, "Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully better than today!" I know it's trite to say, but a positive outlook always helps.

BL: What advice would you give your 20 something self?

MR: I always laugh at this one. I would say, "Flaunt it!" I never thought I was attractive or pretty or sexy but looking back on it I should have worn the little black dress, the highest heels, the low-cut blouse, the crop tops! I hope it doesn't sound completely counter feminist (it should be obvious from my career that I've always been a feminist!) but really, I should have had more FUN!!!

Thank you so much, Mary Ann! What a great way to start the week!

5Justine Frazer Costello, Deanna Donaldson Sommers and 3 others

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