Oh life. Sometimes it is so rapturously beautiful, and at other times, it seems we are blindsided by catastrophic circumstances that minutes before seemed unthinkable.
How is it possible to maintain our sense of self, of well being, when our world is shattered? As individual as we all are, there is no right answer. Some may need to share, to discuss, maybe even go over and over the same scenario, as if by replaying it would make sense. Some of us need to retreat, to have silence, to have our own space and company and thoughts. When emotions are raw and tender, the greatest service we can do is practice relentless compassion, for ourselves, and for others. What does that mean? According to the Oxford English Dictionary compassion is defined as, "The feeling of emotion when a person is moved by the suffering or distress of another, and by the desire to relieve it."
Most of the time, we cannot simply remove the pain. But we can find ways to see through the hurt, if even for a moment. To affirm that there is a glimmer of light and of hope. And that time will march forward, and that we can as well. Sometimes the march will be a limp. Sometimes the march will be a crawl. And sometimes the marcher will be someone carrying us or us carrying someone.
Offer help. Ask for help. AND...if offering, do not get hung up on the answer. If you offered to do what you felt would be a super helpful favor and the recipient shot it down and seemed ungrateful, let it go. Compassion has zero relationship with our ego. Compassion has a thick skin and just keeps going. A friend suffered a grievous loss and was so wounded that her response to everyone that wanted to help was, "Leave me the fuck alone." That's a direct quote. Those that loved her gave her alone time, but made sure she knew she was supported via texts, e mails, cards and care packages left on the doorstep.
If your own suffering threatens to overwhelm you, please, please reach out. To friends, to family, to professionals.
When in doubt, go with kindness, and transparency. Most of us are simultaneously experiencing a mixed bag of fantastic life events and crappy stuff that has to be dealt with. The scale and the spectrum is vast. The bad does not cancel out the good, and vice versa. It is just life.
" I don't know what to say, except, I love you."
" I am here for you."
If you need help:
" I am struggling. I need help."
When hurt is answered with compassion and love, the road to healing has begun.
You are strong enough. Look at how far you have already come. One love, people.
Here are some resources:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)